Strange Feelings

Tonight, I thought back to the day I was diagnosed with cancer.  It was a Monday morning and the news hit me like a ton of bricks.  I cried a bit off and on the first 2-3 hours, but mostly I felt dazed.  I couldn't concentrate on anything.  I was shaky.  I started grinding my teeth.  Simply put, I just KNEW I was dreaming.  This lasted until I laid down for a nap that afternoon.  When I was awakened by a confirmation call from the West Clinic for a consultation with my oncologist, it was confirmed for me that this indeed was NOT a dream.  Since then, I haven't shed a tear nor felt anything like those first few hours.

Now that I'm about to take my last chemotherapy, I'm still a bit emotionally nonreactive.  I'm glad to be coming to the end of this phase of treatment, but I'm not giddy about it as most would expect.  I'm not nervous about radiation.  I just read a lot in order t know what to expect.  Sometimes, this emotional stagnation concerns me.  Other times, I believe it's God strengthening me (answers to the many prayers).  I guess, in a nutshell, I go through each day not feeling like this is any "big deal".  See how strange that sounds?